How to Keep Your Cool When You’re Faced with a Difficult Situation at Work
Imagine you’re in the middle of a meeting or giving a presentation and your boss asks you a question — a question you don’t know the answer to. A board member extremely grilled your financial report presentation. A difficult client interrupts your pitch with a salvo of vexatious comments or questions. Your boss dismisses your work on an important assignment out-of-hand. You’re in the middle of a management meeting and your colleague suddenly took credit for your ideas. How would you react to these types of situations?
Being put on the spot can be stressful. Your mind goes blank, your heart starts racing, and you start to sweat. Or your instinct might be to freeze up or get defensive, but neither of those responses is going to do you any favors in the long run. So, what should you do instead? Keep reading to find out.
Here are four helpful tips on how to keep your cool when you’re put on the spot.
Compose yourself then focus your mind after the first shock
A surprising or strong statement from a client or colleague can trigger a rush of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol as the brain’s amygdala activates a fight-or-flight response. I’ve seen people go red in the face, appear stunned, and look tearful. While it’s hard to stop this immediate, biological response, you can recognize it for what it is and take time to center yourself. Once you understand that the reaction is due to a flood of stress hormones, you can begin to take steps to mitigate its effects. For example, you might take a few deep breaths, step away from the situation for a moment, or even change the subject. By taking control of your stress response, you can prevent it from hijacking your ability to think clearly and make sound decisions.
It’s easy to get caught up in our own thoughts and perspective, especially when we feel strongly about a topic. However, it’s important to be curious about other people’s thoughts and ideas, even if they differ from our own. When we focus on the substance of another person’s points, it helps us to see their perspective more clearly and to understand their thinking. This can be a helpful way to move the focus from ourselves to others, and it can lead to more productive conversations, trigger your curiosity into what they’re thinking about and focus on the substance of their points. This can help you move your focus to them instead of yourself. Try saying: “Thank you for sharing your perspective. It’s different from how I was thinking about the topic. Can you tell me more about your thinking?”
It's important to do your homework before any encounter, big or small. You should think about the people you'll be meeting with and what their likely questions and issues are. At the same time, anticipate what your own questions and issues might be. This way, you can be fully prepared to engage in a productive conversation. There may be certain topics or individuals that you're less comfortable with. If that's the case, explore how you can address them in advance. For example, you might invest more time in preparing answers or provide a briefing to the people you've identified. By being proactive, you can ensure that the meeting is successful and that everyone involved feels comfortable and respected.
Then try these relaxation techniques to control your emotions, self regulate and regain the driver’s seat:
Take slow, deep breaths, without being too obvious to the other individuals.
Adjust your posture by sitting or standing up straight. When seated down, keep both feet on the floor. Try unclenching your fists and jaw. These will help you think more clearly.
Take a step back and label your emotions. For example, if you are feeling angry, you can say to yourself, "I'm feeling angry." This simple act of labeling can help you to better understand and manage your emotions.
Keep a journal of "When I've been at my best in high-stakes moments" helps keep these memories fresh in your mind, so you can recall them when you need them most. Doing this can remind you that you are capable of handling tough situations and help you face future challenges with more optimism. Take a moment to reflect on a time when you've triumphed in the face of adversity. It just might give you the boost you need to get through your current situation.
Summon the voice of somebody you trust and respect (aka your “wise advocate”), who reminds you why it's important to stay calm and focused. By doing so, you'll increase the chances of finding a constructive solution to the problem at hand. Try not to let your emotions get the better of you.
Stop making assumptions
It's natural to feel defensive when you're under attack. After all, our instinct is to protect ourselves from harm. But sometimes, we can overreact to a situation and make it worse than it needs to be. When we feel threatened, we may start to overgeneralise, catastrophize, and personalise the situation. We may assume that the other person is challenging our authority or looking to embarrass us in front of others. This can cause us to feel overwhelmed and stressed. Instead of letting our emotions take control, it's important to step back and assess the situation objectively. Is the other person really trying to hurt us ? (in some cases some people do and it's important to recognise that at the time) or are they just expressing their own opinion? If it's the latter, then there's no need to get worked up. We can simply agree to disagree. However, if the other person is being aggressive or abusive, then it's important to take action to protect ourselves. Either way, it's important not to let our emotions get the best of us.
Being argumentative, critical, or impatient could stem from a bad day or maybe that's just their way of communicating or their ego talking. Another possibility is that they are testing the quality of your thinking, arguments, and evidence because they consider the topic to be important. If the topic is something you feel strongly about as well, it might be helpful to try and understand where the other person is coming from so you can better respond to their criticisms. Moreover, getting defensive will only make the situation worse. Instead, stay calm and collected, and remember that the other person's opinion is just that - an opinion. It doesn't have to define reality.
In any workplace, it's important to be able to have difficult conversations. However, sometimes these conversations can be more difficult than anticipated. When this happens, it's important to try to stay calm and focused on the conversation at hand. It can be tempting to make assumptions about why the other person is behaving in a certain way, but it's important to resist this urge and focus on listening to their perspective. Only after the conversation is over should you take time to reflect on what was said and decide whether or not the other person's behavior was personal. By remaining calm and focused during the conversation or the topic at hand, you'll be better able to come to a productive resolution.
Practise a structured approach to understand the strength of their perspective:
What are they telling me about their point of view on this topic? What are they really saying?
Where are they coming from? What is the basis to be in this position? Is there a balance between facts, their version of the facts, assumptions, or beliefs?
How convincing is their point, and how much does it challenge my proposal?
Begin a dialogue
When you find yourself in a heated argument, it can be tempting to double down on your position and try to prove that you're right. However, this approach is often unsuccessful and can actually make you look weaker. Instead of justification, focus on listening to the other side and understanding their perspective. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with them, but it shows that you're open to hearing their side of the story. Additionally, avoid getting defensive and try to stay calm. If you can maintain a level head, you're more likely to come across as reasonable and in control. And finally, don't be afraid to admit when you're wrong. Everyone makes mistakes, but it takes a strong person to own up to them.
Considering a difficult situation a test can help you to respond and engage in the situation confidently. If you are put in a difficult situation, such as being challenged or spoken to rudely in front of your colleagues, you may feel the urge to become aggressive and attack. However, by considering the situation a test, you can force yourself to remain professional and confident. This will allow you to better negotiate the situation and come out on top. In addition, your colleagues will likely respect you more if you are able to keep your cool under pressure.
Show your ability to respond and engage confidently as if it was a negotiation. This involves:
Try to identify some common ground with the other person(s).
Acknowledge the points of difference so you can focus your attention on what’s getting in the way.
Explore options or scenarios, reframing the problem from different perspectives. For example, say something like “Imagine if we do this[…]”or “If I were the customer, how would I look at the same issue?”
When you put your heart and soul into something, it can be difficult to let it go. Even if it’s not working out, it can be tempting to hold onto an idea because of the time and effort you’ve already invested. However, in many cases, it’s important to let go of an idea that doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. If it’s not working, it’s not worth holding onto, no matter how attached you may be. Avoid being sentimental about your past work; it’s a sunk cost. Instead, while it may feel uncomfortable, consider the discussion as an opportunity to develop yourself and the matter at hand by applying your growth mindset.
End the discussion with confidence
In any professional setting, it is important to be able to take feedback gracefully. Whether you are presenting a new proposal at a meeting or fielding questions after a presentation, it is important to remember that not everyone will always agree with you and some will feel threatened. If you find yourself in a situation where your audience is pushing back on your work, it is important to remain calm and respectful. Apologising for their reactions, even if you believe the discussion has been productive, can come across as condescending or dismissive. Instead, thank them for their input and let them know that you will take their feedback into consideration. Remember, constructive criticism is an essential part of the creative process, so learning to handle it gracefully is an important skill for any professional.
At the end of the day, your client or colleague will have gained control of the discussion from you. They close the discussion/meeting by summarising what they heard and recommending a way forward.
If you feel you’ve taken the discussion as far as you can, draw it to a close. Reassure them that you will work through their points and will follow up. Thank them for the discussion, and leave it with confidence, whether you’re working in person or virtually — smile, hold your head up, and thank them. Thanking the other person and reaffirming your commitment to addressing their concerns allows you to leave the conversation on a positive note. Pride yourself on having had the tough conversation in the first place — it can be difficult to confront someone, but it’s important to have these honest conversations in order to maintain healthy relationships. So take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back, and end the discussion confidently.
Here’s more…
Work is full of difficult moments where people catch you off guard and make you feel defensive. It’s hard to predict when they’ll occur and how they’ll play out, but you can prepare for them. The best way to do this is to anticipate the most common situations and plan your response ahead of time. By being prepared for difficult moments, you can avoid being caught off guard and increase your chances of handling them in a way that protects your professional reputation.
Remember, good communication is a key part of maintaining composure in difficult situations. Being able to express yourself with conviction and clarity, and having the ability to listen and understand the other person’s perspective, are essential skills for diffusing tense situations. It is also important to be aware of your own body language and tone of voice, as these can be powerful cues that influence how the other person perceives the conversation. By staying calm and collected, and communicating effectively, you can normally defuse difficult situations and come out on top.
